InspirationHaving Children Will Change Your Marriage — and Not...

Having Children Will Change Your Marriage — and Not for the Better


- Advertisment -spot_img

My ex-husband and I got married with the intention of one day having children.

That was actually a thing after our very first date. He really wanted kids; I was unsure. He told me that if I wasn’t at least open to the idea of having children one day that we wouldn’t have a second date.

I love my children. I’m so grateful I had them. And (since it’s not a “but”) I also know I would have been perfectly fine if I’d never had any. My life would look a lot different, and I wouldn’t be the person I am today, but I would have been okay being child-free. I explored how I felt about it more and came back to him with the equivalent of a vague maybe.

Eventually, I grew to want children a lot, and I even went to great lengths to have the children I got (87 shots, three minor surgeries actually. Thank youuuu, infertility).

Regardless, my ex-husband and I married with the intention to one day have children. We naively thought that children would bring us closer.

It seems counterintuitive to schedule romance, but you have to in a marriage with kids! This could be planning just ten to fifteen minutes every night to check in with each other, making an effort to not just be “business” partners, but romantic partners.

This can also look like scheduling regular dates, once a week or however often you can get away, where you aren’t allowed to talk about the kids. Some couples even schedule when they’ll have sex regularly just to keep it on the table since it’s so easy to put off, or they might see a sex therapist to help with issues following having children.

You can also “schedule” romance by remembering to appreciate each other: telling your partner he looks hot today or thanking him for taking out the garbage. These little things add up.

Again, it doesn’t feel romantic when these things are being scheduled, but it shows that you’re making your romantic relationship a priority and not allowing it to be subsumed by your children and their needs.

While this all paints a dismal picture of parenthood, most parents rate parenting as their greatest joy. The important thing is knowing upfront that it will be tough: having children will exacerbate every issue you already have in your relationship, and it will make romance so much harder. BUT there are things you can do to help, whether you’ve had kids already or are about to have kids.

All great relationships take work, and unfortunately, you are just going to have to work harder once you have kids.

Latest news

Amber Heard’s Verdict Does Not Set All Women Back

After six weeks of the high-profile defamation trial of Amber Heard and Johnny Depp, a court has ruled in...

You’re Not Celebrating Pride; You’re Rainbow Washing

We are now halfway through 2022, and it is the time of year to celebrate pride.  It is a month...

How Many More Children Must Die Before Things Change In America

Countries around the world have traditions, both good and bad. In the United States, one of its traditions has...

Rishi Sunak: Tax On Energy Companies And £400 for Households To Tackle Cost Of Living Crisis

The Chancellor said the government would provide ‘significant support for the British people’ as he set out a £15bn...
- Advertisement -spot_imgspot_img

Read Sue Gray’s full report into Downing Street parties

Below is the full report into illegal gatherings at Downing Street during Covid lockdowns. Compiled by senior civil servant...

Jeremy Kyle: Trash TV With A Dark Twist

Channel 4 has released a damning documentary about the rise and fall of the controversial tabloid talk show 'The...

Must read

Amber Heard’s Verdict Does Not Set All Women Back

After six weeks of the high-profile defamation trial of...

You’re Not Celebrating Pride; You’re Rainbow Washing

We are now halfway through 2022, and it is...
- Advertisement -spot_imgspot_img

You might also likeRELATED
Recommended to you

COVID-19: Private wealth over public health?

COVID-19 has turned the world upside down, seeing America,...

Are students safe in high rise accommodation post-Grenfell?

On Friday 15th November, around 100 University of Bolton...